Ridge Insights - September 2006
Managing Conflict
Ridge Insights
A monthly e-brief from Ridge Training
Date: September 13, 2006
To subscribe: www.ridge.com/insights.htm
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THIS MONTH
1. What We're Thinking About: Managing Conflict
2. Resources for Managing Conflict
3. Questions of the Month
1. What We're Thinking About: Managing Conflict
Conflict is getting a makeover. It used to be that conflict at work was to be avoided. Now, thanks to writers like Jim Collins (http://tinyurl.com/hebvu) and Patrick Lencioni (http://tinyurl.com/f3pdf), conflict is required if businesses are to be their best. Powerful new ideas and solutions to vexing problems can be forged when people challenge ideas, assumptions, and each other.
But not all conflict has such positive outcomes. If managed poorly, conflict can damage important relationships and dramatically reduce the quality of results. Two factors determine whether conflict will be productive or destructive: trust and common purpose. Without trust, people won't say the hard things, and they'll respond defensively to what others say. Without common purpose, the passion that fuels conflict can degenerate into an emotional argument.
CREATING TRUST AMIDST CONFLICT
To create trust amidst conflict, try the following:
1. Stop defending your point of view and start listening. (Don't worry; you'll get back to your point of view. But let it go for now.)
2. Get curious. Why is the other person so heated about this issue? Keep listening until you understand their point of view.
3. Summarize the other person's point of view periodically-- not sarcastically, but with your best attempt to understand.
4. Then, and only then, come back to your point. Be brief: state only the core of your intention or idea. And then stop talking again. Follow this rhythm of listening and speaking until you've teased out what the real needs are and everyone's emotions are less volatile.
For particularly emotional discussions, suggest taking a 10-minute break from the conversation (or longer) and start it again when both people have regained their composure.
FINDING COMMON GOALS
In non-productive conflict, people often argue about solutions--their personal ideas about how best to resolve a problem or need. But as Einstein famously observed, "Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them." To create a higher awareness, look for common ground. Be curious about the real need underlying the other person's point of view. Then, re-examine your own perspective: what core need is your solution trying to satisfy? Once you identify these needs, you both can direct your energy toward the real issue instead of at each other. When you're able to do that, you'll be amazed where conflict can take you.
2. Resources for Managing Conflict
To read more about Ridge's approach to conflict, you can download two papers on conflict in our Key Ideas series: Dealing with Emotions in Conflict [www.ridge.com/downloads/KeyIdeas-CM_Emotions.pdf] and Getting Somewhere in Conflict. [www.ridge.com/downloads/KeyIdeas-CM_GetSomewhere.pdf]
It's hard to remember to do something different in conflict. Want to change that? Sign up for a "limited edition" of our Extended Learning for Conflict Management, usually reserved workshop participants. You'll receive a series of six conflict management tips, delivered to your email box. To learn more about Extended Learning, and to sign up for the conflict management tryout click here: http://www.ridge.com/exlearntryout_cm.html
3. Question of the Month Next month's issue will focus on the downside of multitasking. Our question of the month is: When has multitasking gotten you in trouble? To share your experience, please use the form at this link to respond: http://www.ridge.com/monthlyquestion.html
Use the word MULTITASKING for the topic. We'll use your responses to help create the next edition of "Ridge Insights." We will not use this information for any other purpose without your permission.
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