Ridge Insights - November 2006
Emotional Self-Management
Ridge Insights A monthly e-brief from Ridge Training
Date: November 16, 2006
_______________________________________________
THIS MONTH
1. What We're Thinking About: Emotional Self-Management
2. Resources for Emotional Self-Management
3. Questions of the Month
1. What We're Thinking About: Emotional Self-Management
Some people call them "triggers;" others call them "buttons" (as in, "He sure knows how to push my buttons!"). Whatever you call them, our impulsive, emotional reactions can cause us to interact in ways that are counter-productive. We stop listening. We start to see the other person as wrong. We become rigid in our thinking and less open to influence. These responses compromise decision-making and execution. And when these patterns play out over and over again between the same people, the relationship itself can become the problem, eroding the morale and productivity of the participants and their larger work group.
How then do you manage your emotions? Actually, you can't--researchers have discovered that our brains are wired to feel first and think later (www.loc.gov/loc/brain/emotion/Ledoux.html). By the time we're aware of our emotions, we're already experiencing them.
But it isn't our emotions that get us in trouble. It's our *reactions* that are problematic. While we don't have a choice about the emotions that show up, we can choose how we manage our emotions and respond to situations. The trick is to turn hindsight into foresight.
Hindsight stems from our reactions. Let's say you just found out that a colleague has done something that really upsets you. Your impulsive reaction might be to:
* fire off an angry email or voicemail to the colleague,
* complain to someone else about the situation, or
* do nothing and let it eat away at you.
By contrast, the goal of emotional self-management is improved foresight, which lets you respond to situations intentionally. To get started, try the following:
* Tune in to your emotional triggers. What are the things people do that set you off? If they're not obvious to you, ask your colleagues, family, and friends--they're sure to know!
* Pay attention to physiological clues that indicate your switch has been flipped. The brain is unreliable in this regard--it gets "hooked" by the conflict that's building. This emotion also creates tension somewhere in our bodies--the shoulders, chest, stomach, or jaw. Get familiar with where your tension occurs and begin to use this awareness as a flag that your emotional state is rising, as is your defensiveness.
* Catch emotions when they're small. Ever suppress your irritation when someone interrupts you, only to rant at them when they unwittingly do it second time? It's easier for everyone when you respond to a situation out of a mild emotion like irritation rather than a strong one like anger. Addressing issues when your emotions are small can prevent them from escalating unnecessarily.
* Rather than react, take a break. Step away, take a breath, release your tension.
Once you've done that, you're ready to respond--the way you would want to, with the benefit of hindsight.
2. Resources for Emotional Self-Management
David K. Reynolds, PhD, has written a number of books on the topic of "constructive living." He coaches people to "know your purpose, acknowledge your feelings, then do what needs doing." A good starting point is
or
3. Question of the Month
Next month's issue will focus on the power of recognition. Our question of the month is: when has recognition made a difference in your performance? To share your experience, please use the form at this link to respond:
www.ridge.com/monthlyquestion.html
Use the word RECOGNITION for the topic. We'll use your responses to help create the next edition of "Ridge Insights." We will not use this information for any other purpose without your permission.
_______________________________________________
QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? Please send us a message.
CHANGING YOUR ADDRESS? Please unsubscribe and resubscribe.
Copyright 2006 - Ridge Associates, Inc. - All Rights Reserved.
Copyright 2009 Ridge Associates, Inc. All Rights Reserved.