Ridge Insights - September 2007
Following
Ridge Insights
A monthly e-brief from Ridge Training
Date: September 26, 2007
To subscribe: www.ridge.com/insights.htm
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WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT: FOLLOWING SKILLS
Listeners commonly have a major fault: they talk too much! Behavioral scientists have found that listeners often speak more than the speaker does. Unfortunately, as last month's "Ridge Insights" noted, this pattern can create barriers to communication as listeners talk out of turn. Even well-meaning questions can fall into this category: they lead the speaker toward the listener's interest, which may be very different from the speaker's needs and goals.
Following skills give you an alternative to inadvertently hijacking the conversation. They help the speaker speak more openly. They help you be a more disciplined listener. And best of all they're really easy to do. Here are three ways to put the principle of following into practice:
UH-HUHs
These grunts and groans are usually transparent in conversation: "mmm hmm, right, sure, wow, huh, no kidding..." But they give the speaker evidence that you're paying attention -- without interrupting. What a gift!
SKILLFUL QUESTIONING
The best questions help improve your understanding and help the speaker add or clarify important details so that both people have shared understanding. When listening, make your questions infrequent and open-ended. Keep in mind what direction the speaker is heading, and if your questions get the speaker off-track, point him or her back to the original train of thought.
INVITATIONS TO TALK
These are also called Door Openers, because the invitation opens the door for someone to talk but doesn't push them through it. It could be an open-ended question, such as "How are things going?" Or if the speaker gets stuck try "Tell me more." Following isn't hard to do, but it can be hard to remember to do. Give your grunts and groans a try and see how the conversation is different--for the speaker and for you.
For more information, download our article "Following: Inside Every Good Follower Is A Leader" at our web site.
http://www.ridge.com/Pub_Article.html
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