Ridge Insights - November 2008
Turning Down "Style Static"
Ridge Insights A monthly e-brief from Ridge Training
Date: November 21, 2008
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What We're Thinking About - Turning Down "Style Static"
Have you ever had meetings where you got off on the wrong foot? Perhaps the other person was chatty when you wanted to get down to business; or, the other person was overly formal when you were trying to be relaxed, personable, and fun. As people do what feels comfortable for themselves, they may unintentionally create discomfort in others.
Differing working styles create tension that can persist throughout a conversation and negatively affect its outcome. When trying to solve a problem, for example, you may push to move ahead when the other person wants more time to explore options. Or, you may hesitate to commit when the other person is saying clearly that it's time to decide. In the end, regardless of the decision, everyone loses when style differences ambush the conversation.
The tension in these meetings is not only unpleasant but also unproductive. Differences in working style make it harder to communicate clearly, collaborate well, and engage in productive problem solving. To overcome differences in working style, it's important to understand: - the limitations of the golden rule - and how to follow the Platinum Rule.
LIMITATIONS OF THE GOLDEN RULE
The golden rule of treating people as you wish to be treated will never go out of style, particularly when it comes to treating others with honesty, fairness and respect. However, that rule has its limits when applied to working styles. Here's one familiar situation. A person who loves detail enthusiastically provides it to a colleague during a meeting. But that colleague just wants the big picture. He finds it mind-numbing to go through all those details, and tunes out. However, when he talks in big picture terms, looking at the same situation from 50,000 feet, the detailed person feels like there's no substance to the ideas, and tunes out. The tension when different styles work together is like static on the radio, making it hard for people to listen and understand each other. The more style static, the less people can influence one another and the harder they'll have to work to create trust and be productive.
FOLLOWING THE PLATINUM RULE
The Platinum Rule, though, will help you ease those tensions that result from different working styles. That Platinum Rule, coined by noted speaker and author Dr. Tony Alessandra, is: treat people not necessarily as you wish to be treated but as *they* wish to be treated. Imagine what would happen if the detailed person scaled back on the amount of information, or if the big picture person went down from an altitude of 50,000 feet to 20,000 feet when explaining ideas? If you can be a little more flexible in your working style, you can clear up a lot of the static in your conversations. When people hear your ideas without style static, your working relationship will be easier and more productive.
Start noticing how people want to be treated. How do they start and end their conversations with you? Follow their lead in setting the tone for your work together so that you get off on the right foot. For the person who likes to get down to business, stop chatting so much. For the person who is more relaxed and informal, take a minute to check in. If the other person seems to be moving slowly, slow down a little yourself. If the other person is speaking quickly, push yourself to pick up your pace.
During meetings and conversations, pay attention to others' reactions as you're talking.
- Are their eyes glazing over when you get into details? Move to the big picture.
- Do they seem confused? Slow down and check in.
- Do they seem hesitant or reluctant with what you're proposing? Hear them out.
- Are they impatient with your indecision? Be more definitive and clear.
Ridge's People Styles model provides a much more in-depth approach to the Platinum Rule by helping you understand your own style and become more flexible with those you work with. You can read more in the book "People Styles at Work" by Robert and Dorothy Bolton (http://www.ridge.com/Pub_Books_PSty.html) or wait for the upcoming sequel "People Styles at Work...and Beyond." If you're curious about how all this applies to your personal relationships, read "Opposites Do Attract," available on our website (http://www.ridge.com/Pub_Books.html).
CONCLUSION
As you think about the people you work with, identify which relationships have style static. Don't expect other people to change. Instead, think of some small ways you can change, being more flexible in your own behavior. That will start to ease the tension, turn down the static, and open the channel for influence, accomplishment and fun.
Changing your behavior may also help you see the other person in a new light. As you reduce others' tension, you will draw out their strengths--strengths that complement your own. Instead of being frustrated with others' behavior, you can appreciate their different and complementary perspectives. In the end, you can work smarter together than you ever could alone.
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Copyright 2008 - Ridge Associates, Inc. - All Rights Reserved.
Copyright 2009 Ridge Associates, Inc. All Rights Reserved.