Ridge Insights - December 2008
Gifts of the Season
Ridge Insights A monthly e-brief from Ridge Training
Date: December 12, 2008
To subscribe: http://www.ridge.com/Pub_Insights.html
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What We're Thinking About - Gifts of the Season, or, Growing the Heart of the Grinch
As the holiday season approaches, you may find yourself not *exactly* in the holiday spirit. You have the pressure of too much to do in too little time, with deadlines at work and at home, and no time to relax. You may also have mixed feelings as you anticipate the social events of the holidays, whether at work or with family. Planning for next year might be laced with uncertainty about the economy and its impact on your business and personal life.
THE MAKING OF A GRINCH
This toxic mix of stress and emotions can seep into your communication and your relationships. When you're distracted, you won't listen as well. When you're feeling under pressure, you're more likely to overreact about little things. When you are ambivalent or worried but don't have time to relax, those emotions can take the upper hand in how you relate to people. As in Dr. Seuss's "How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" people may find their hearts to be two sizes too small at this time of year. You have lots of company. Many people at your work and home are overloaded, exhausted and just plain crabby.
Ironically, at this time of giving thanks, praying for peace, and celebrating the greatness of the human spirit, you may find yourself gritting your teeth to get through dinner with your family. Looking to connect during this intense season, you feel that you have come up short. However, you can give two gifts that can start to grow the hearts of those around you-- gifts that create thanksgiving, peace, and connection at this time and throughout the year, whether it's in a meeting about priorities for next year, chatting with a colleague, or in the kitchen helping clean up the holiday dinner.
THE GIFT OF ATTENTION
As your colleagues, friends, or family talk, give them your full attention. Stop the part of your brain that is working out other things. Stop e-mailing. Turn off your Blackberry. Look away from the TV or computer screen and look at who's talking to you; notice what the body and face are saying as well as the voice. Years ago, research found that married couples paid this kind of attention to one another only 20 minutes a week, on average. Having someone's full attention is even more of a gift as multitasking has become commonplace at work and at home.
THE GIFT OF LISTENING
As you pay attention, put aside your own pressing issues, just for a few more minutes. Don't interrupt. Don't respond right away to what's said. Get curious. Imagine walking a mile in their shoes. State your understanding of their concerns. Notice how people respond to that, becoming more present as they speak freely and feel heard. When they pause, wait to see if they have more to say. See the heart start to grow as you listen attentively. When they finish, summarize what you've heard. Show you understand before you share your own perspective.
The beauty about the gifts of attention and listening is that they give back. When you fully pay attention, you find a moment of stillness within your own hectic day. When you listen to someone else's challenges, it puts your own in perspective. These gifts enrich your relationships, too, building trust and connection. Paying attention and listening help other people let go of distractions and return to the present moment where it becomes truly possible to give thanks, find peace, and celebrate the spirit of the season all year round.
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Copyright 2008 - Ridge Associates, Inc. - All Rights Reserved.
Copyright 2009 Ridge Associates, Inc. All Rights Reserved.